Sorry my Friends, I shouldn't have just vanished on ya, there's no excuse. I thought pulling into myself was the solution. I've had a rough year, well a rough life would be a better way to put it. Won't dull ya with the minor details, just the rough story, but lets just say my folks are misguided far right 'Christians'. They do mean well... but if they knew the real me... they'd disown me... i know this cause they've basically said so. Their Church would force them too, or this 'Church' would rain down somethin terrible upon them. I can't in good conscience do that to my Folks, even after all they've done. I've learned to forgive an not hold onto the past.
I was born male, with male reproduction organs. I've known i wasn't straight since i was round thirteen, an was feeling romantic attraction to a fellow Sunday School mate who was male. I've known i wasn't entirely male since i was a little kid, an wanted to both do 'typically' Masculine things like Hunting, along with Baking an wanting to be a seamstress, which were seen as 'typically Feminine things. I've known i had Dissociative Identity Disorder for about seven years now, all my personality came around to acknowledging each others existence. Made things a hell of a lot easier, those being Salt an Rose an Kyvex(Ya'll have most likely been confused at my mood swings till now), there may be more, but for now, we three are all we know of.
All theses things about me, were either ignored by my parents an my old 'friends', or 'stamped' outta me, as my parents think. I used to talk to my mother bout wanting to be a girl when i was real, i doubt she would willingly remember such conversations. Talked with my dad bout how guys liking guys isn't wrong, he wouldn't hear any of it, just thinks their attention seeking twats. The Folks at Church would just tell me to pray it all away(cause thats how pray works).
I was consistently bullied at Church an School, even Home school. Some Jerk nearly crushed my balls every sunday for two months at Church. Had both girls an guys flit with me, an drop me, only for me to find it was all some sick joke... about lost my virginity to some aggressive jock once. If i hadn't already lost it, when i was molested by my older male cousin when i was hitting puberty, or earlier by my friends older sister when i was in first grade.
An on top of this all, i still believe in God of Abraham, I just don't believe he's the asshole that those who've hurt me think he is. But I'm not Christian in the classical sense, I'm Pagan, i believe the God an Goddess have many forms an many names. Though i do still believe Christ died for our Sins, as he did by others names in other stories apart from the Bible.
At every turn, there was a dead end. I either wasn't capable or wasn't allowed, my best friend summed it up well, when he said my options are thinner then a hookers waist line (ya he's that southern, no insults to hookers intended, i once considered going into the sex business myself). I tried as hard as i could, to be the son my parents wanted, to be the strong stoic type friend, my so called friends needed, but i broke, i finally broke.... sorry
I Constantly assumed an was told that this all my fault, or that it was all my imagination, an sadly i believed it, still do someways when life gets dark. Like next year i'm gonna have to got to the wedding of the cousin who molested me. An every Sunday Go to Church cause it makes my parents happy, an see all those people who mocked or hurt or ignored my pleas.
No one ever listened to me, or took me seriously. not even my friends.
Till i stumbled upon MLP, My Little Pony on YouTube. an made friends with people like An More
Being Online Friends with them, an Watching an Discussing the show an Other things with a few of them on Skype. Let me realize, that there was nothing wrong with me. Heck Two of those above became my Boyfriends, my Lovers, an I Love them back, so so very much. We had some rough times. And even though or relationship is forced to be only Online for now. We'll keep pushin through.
No after all this one may ask why don't i just leave, Leave my Folks place an hit the road
Well I've been unable to get my drivers license, or even my permit, cause my folks either never wanted to drive me to the DMV, cause they used to think me incapable. Like they literally thought i was autistic at one point, i may be, but i can drive a freakin car, just with my mother having serve driving Anxiety an never really ever being complimented or encouraged in anything sept the stuff they wanted me to do. I just wasn't ready till bout two years ago. And they just didn't have more then one working Car for more then a month or three, crappy Irish luck. But this next week a good friends mother, is maybe gonna be able to drive me to the DMV. So i can get that checked off the list, but wait there is more i'm moving in with my Grand-parents up in this little town called Cable, in middle of no where Wisconsin.
My Grand-dad needs help taking care of my Grand-mother and their lake front property an nearly sixty acres of hunting property. i'll also be helping him in his duties as Treasury for both his Church an the local Three Town council and the local Airport. So i'll have plenty of work to do, along with the towns population being only eight hundred, so compared to overly populated Winchester VA, i'll be more likely to get a job. With Two of Four Star Resorts an Three Golf Courses to work at up there. Amongst a handful Old School Car Mechanics an Blacksmiths and a Lumber Yard right in Town, my chances at getting a job i both like an would be good at, are rather high. I can get started making props an inventions i wanna make, an get back to writing more.
This way i work away my guilt (ya i know there's no reason for me to feel guilt, but i do), by taking care of my grand-parents, an get a job an a house in the good-ole Northern backwoods, an maybe in a year or two i can move my boyfriends out with me.
Thanks to you my Friends, Thanks to those who've believed in me
Just anyone else out there, who's had it worse or not, please hold on, don't let go, life does get better, it may be a long hard march, but ya gotta pull up your pants tighten your belt, shove your feet in the mud an tell life you ain't givin up
Whatever you hold onto, hold onto to it like a life raft if you need to, you're friends are there for you, if not there are people out there who do care, an will do all they can for you, ya just may not see them yet
If you're reading this, an need a friend, or a shoulder to cry on, or a voice to talk/text to, just know i'm here, i'll help as best i can
As for friends an remaining Watchers, what would you like to see more of, Firearms design, Sword design, Short Stories, Poetry, Photography, or somethin else, i'm gonna have limited time from now on, so comment what you'd like to see
If you'd like to see short stories, which OC(s)? ((yes some OC's are based off my personalities
- Salt and Rose
- Tar or Arilia and Zeina
- Heather and Fang
- Kyvex, or Ky
- Rosewaters CO
- Saltworks INC
If Photography, Swords, or Poetry what would you like to see?
I've had a rough year, but I've learned a lot about Myself
Gotta Thank Athena an Elohim for that, practically thumping me over the head with Love an Wisdom
Till i decided to look up an notice all the people tying to help me
I'm still in a dark place, Emotionally an Physically an Financially an many other ways
But i won't bore ya with that, but lets just say i'm back on Track
Gonna be moving up to the North Woods of Middle of no where Wisconsin to live with, an care of my Grand-mother an help my Grand-dad tend the lake front property an Hunting Grounds, gonna start a new life away from my current situation, in a slightly less poisonous scenario